True feelings

Sometimes I feel like vanishing to somewhere only I know about, sometimes people don't understand me and I only wish to God that they could. I became a witch because this is the path I want to follow, this is what appeals to me and nothing else. I just feel crushed by being in Salisbury sometimes, I feel like i'm drowning in a sea of poison. I want people to take notice of me but for the right reasons. If I had more money then I would most probably spend all my time down Devon, but I have to be realistic and I know lifes not going to be like that. I am searching for something only my guides know about, I feel like I'm shouting into the dark but no one is listening! I want to find true love, someone who's going to like me for being me, and not what I could be. Do you know I'm being killed by loneliness, if only I had the confidence then I could be the person I want to be instead of this bloody shy woman I can't get rid off. I have been fighting for freedom from this for years, bloody years; I hate what I have become.

There is one bloke I feel drawn to called John, we are just close friends at the moment. i don't think any thing will happen as he keeps odd hours and had problems of his own. He gets up at 7pm and goes to bed at 7am, he doesn't really do a lot with his life as I have big plans of my own. He has depression and always talks about topping himself. I can see a really nice guy inside but he needs to help himself as I can't do it